Despite almost being bored to another death by the FA Cup third round last Saturday, I settled myself in to watch Manchester United v Leeds United on the afterlife sports channel ‘Styx Sports’. After witnessing Leeds crush the ‘Red Devils’ by playing with more pace and energy than a whippet race, I felt the need for some match analysis from the football’s very own Valhalla, In Off The Ghost.
As we strive to bring you the best spiritual perspective on the football news of the day, we managed to chat with legendary former King of England, Richard III. Richard was delighted with the result as he was himself a veteran of several fierce battles between Yorkshire and Lancashire, and he was arguably even less successful in these encounters than Leeds United used to be at Old Trafford.
‘Was ever a match in this humour won in such a manner? Woe to the club that is defended still by Gary Neville. And Jermaine Beckford! So wise so young, they say, never stay in League 1 long. Thou cam’st on Earth to make it their hell, and my heaven! And yet Sir Alex is always determined to prove a villian. Talkest thou to me of ‘ifs’ and ‘not enough injury time’? I had no time added on at Bosworth Field! Harp not on that string Ferguson. I will say but one more thing, as an honest tale speeds best, being plainly told.
Every week! Every week! My Kingdom to play thee every week!’
So as Richard’s final battle saw the decline in the House of York, Sunday’s match put an end to Sir Alex’s FA Cup hopes. With a result like this, some fans are starting to believe that it may also be the beginning of the end for United’s stranglehold over English football.
(All material in this blog is entirely fictional and does not represent the views or opinions of anyone, alive or dead, other than those of the author.)