After a ten month near death experience, In Off the Ghost has recovered from an almost fatal lack of time and effort to bring you the views and opinions of the dead on today’s foremost football stories.
“Murder!” was the cry that rang around the underworld this week. Ghostly gasps and ghoulish grimaces adorned the faces of my fellow spirits. But this had nothing to do with Halloween or any of that rubbish the living seem so preoccupied with at this time of year. No, this was the reaction to the brutal slaughter of the player formerly known as ‘the best right back in the world’ at the hands of Welsh wing wizard Gareth Bale during Tottenham Hotspur’s 3 -1 defeat of European Champions Inter Milan. Bale, not content with repeatedly flaying poor Maicon, also laid on two goals for Peter Crouch and Roman Pavlyuchenko.
So, after such an exhilarating display I had no shortage of posthumous pundits offering to give me their views on the match, and this instalment of In Off the Ghost features the opinions of another revolutionary left winger: Former Leader of the Bolshevik Party, Vladimir Lenin.
“What I always said when I was alive” started Lenin, “was that a lie told often enough becomes the truth. I was proved right once again with Maicon. The best right back in the world? Just another example of how a motivated left wing can bring down big-spending established ‘leaders’. One man with a left foot like Bale could control a hundred right backs! Inter could have hauled my embalmed corpse out of its mausoleum in Moscow, flew it over to London and put it at right back and it still would’ve done a better job than Maicon.”
On the chances of Spurs progressing into the knockout stages of the Champions League, Lenin stoked his ethereal beard, floated in closer to me and spoke in a hushed whisper:
“There is a revolution going on at White Hart Lane! Of course a revolution is impossible without a revolutionary situation. The side Comrade Redknapp inherited from Jaunde Ramos was ripe for renewal. Some people say that he is as crooked as the soviet sickle, but he has shown all the qualities of a true leader. The domination of the big four bourgeoisie is crumbling, Comrade Redknapp must grind them between the midfield milestones of Bale, Modric and Huddlestone. And then, who knows? Maybe the Spurs movement can take on the decadent aristocrats of Europe!”
Although it is always wise to take Comrade Lenin’s words with a pinch of salt, if Redknapp can continue to exploit the power of the left through Bale and Van Der Vaart, as well as the iron fists of Gomes, the Spurs revolution will take some stopping.
(All material in this blog is entirely fictional and does not represent the views or opinions of anyone, alive or dead, other than those of the author.)