Football isn’t just a sport, it’s entertainment. A good game of football can be a show higher in quality than anything TV’s best paid hacks can churn out, resigning even top notch programmes such as Young Butcher of the Year and Jersey Shore to the Sky Plus box. And like the best TV dramas, football can have stunning plot twists, brilliant characters, and can sway from the hilarious to the tragic in the space of a few short moments. Just ask Laurent Koscielny and Wojciech Szczesny. Their performance in the final stages of Arsenal’s 2-1 Carling Cup Final capitulation to Birmingham City was the best example of miscommunication on live TV since this cringe inducing blunder on Australia’s Next Top Model.
Prior to the game, Arsenal had been waiting so long for silverware that Arsene Wenger had been forced to take even the Carling Cup seriously. However, a woeful performance from a side that overcame the majestic Barcelona only two weeks earlier left the Gunners’ boss on the verge of a Jimmy Corkhill style breakdown in front of a live audience of millions. The ghouls here at In Off the Ghost don’t want to detract from the performance of Alex McLeish’s Birmingham City side or overlook how entertaining the match was for the neutrals (particularly in comparison to some of the fetid FA Cup finals in recent years). So we decided to discuss the match with a Scotsman who knows a thing or two about good television. A cold welcome to Scottish engineer and the inventor of the world’s first practical, publicly demonstrated television system, John Logie Baird!
“I thoroughly enjoyed the game, it was exactly the kind of spectacle that I invented my amazing televisor for” said the square-eyed Logie Baird. “I was so pleased for Alex McLeish and I am always happy to see a fellow Scot doing well. The lad got his tactics totally on the button. He had Barry Ferguson and Craig Gardner providing a wide screen for the back four, Seb Larsson and Keith Fahey working the channels, and the height of Nikola Žigić provided Birmingham with a great aerial option. It was fantastic to watch the Serbian’s work in the box consistently unsettle Arsenal’s faulty defence and the reception the Birmingham fans gave their players throughout the match was incredible.”
“It was clear to me that Arsenal’s back four were too often static, and Andrei Arshavin and Robin Van Persie were too remote upfront. Koscielny and Szczesny were the funniest double act I’ve seen on the tube since Morecambe and Wise. Wenger likes to talk a lot about entertaining football, but his wee boys and their fruitless passing were no match for McLeish’s big men. To be honest, there is nothing I find more entertaining to watch on my celestial TV screen than a fast, exciting, end to end game of football, especially when a club outside the big four get to win a trophy for a change.”
(All material in this blog is entirely fictional and does not represent the views or opinions of anyone, alive or dead, other than those of the author.)