Life isn’t fair. Some people are born into poverty and servitude, with the added fun of being hideously deformed and stupid to boot. However others enter the world blessed with wealth, power, talent and beauty. They are elevated above their peers to the status of royalty, using their gifts to dominate and suppress their fellow man in search of triumph. But once you leave the world of the living the playing field is levelled once again. Here everyone is but a spectre of their past physical selves, destined to while away infinity watching game after game of football as nothing but a shadow of their former glory.
However, recent events in the world of the living have seen football draw ever closer to life here at In Off the Ghost, as another formerly majestic entity returned to football as a ghost of their past success. ‘King’ Kenny Dalglish has once again taken the reigns at Liverpool and promptly led them to successive away defeats against arch rivals Man Utd and the mighty Blackpool. However, Sunday’s match saw ‘King’ Kenny return to his spiritual home of Anfield and rescue a point in an exciting 2-2 draw against neighbours Everton in the Merseyside derby.
After this epic encounter, we were given a ring by a spirit who wanted to share with us his views on the return of the king of the Kop. Please welcome novelist J.R.R. Tolkien!
“The King has returned! He is back from the wilderness to lead his people through a siege of awful performances and hideously bad transfer decisions in order to restore the city back to its former glory!” bellowed Tolkien, drawing a parallel between this week’s Merseyside derby and his epic nerd-fest of a novel, The Lord of the Rings.
“It looked as if all was doomed for Liverpool as they were overwhelmed by the physical threat of Everton, with Victor Anichebe, Jermaine Beckford and Marouane Fellaini powering their way through Liverpool’s resistance. The twin towers of Martin Skrtel and Daniel Agger (later replaced by the hapless Sotirios Kyriakos) swayed like corn tossed by the tempest of Everton’s second half attacking onslaught. Salvation arrived for Dalglish, however it did not come from the elvish beauty Torres, but the orc-ish good looks and dwarf like industry of Dirk Kuyt and Raul Meireles, coupled with the wing wizardy of Glen Johnson and Maxi Rodriguez.
“This battle was not lost, however the war is not yet won and the shadow of doom still looms large over Anfield. Long is the road for King Kenny’s fellowship if they are to make their way out of relegation peril and back into the havens of the top half of the Premier League.”
(All material in this blog is entirely fictional and does not represent the views or opinions of anyone, alive or dead, other than those of the author.)