The Big Smoke has seen its fair share of crime. From the Gunpowder Plot to the Kray Twins, the capital has been a hotbed for all sorts of illicit activity. However, even London has rarely seen a case of exploitation as blatant as was on display at Stamford Bridge this weekend. Sunderland were like a blindfolded tourist, waving around their valuables and staggering into the HQ of Roman’s ruffians, begging to be taken advantage of. Chelsea duly obliged and helped themselves to a gluttonous 7-2 slaughtering of the Black Cats.
So after witnessing the ugliest annihlation in the capital since the days of Queen Victoria we recieved a letter from a man who knows all about preying on the weak in London town: notorious serial killer, Jack the Ripper.
I was very impressed with the clinical accuracy with which Chelsea went for the throats of Sunderland’ wrote ‘Saucy’ Jack who, for obvious reasons, wished to remain anonymous.
‘They tore the Mackems open, right through the middle. I bet Bruce was gutted, ha ha! Time and time again Cole, Malouda and Lampard all sliced their way through the Sunderland defence with sadistic ease. McCartney and Da Silva were so hapless! They reminded me of the London Met’s finest scrambling around after me back in the 1880s. And that Anelka boy is as sharp as my knife. Sunderland were flat on their backs and begging to be beaten; who would pass up that opportunity?
Until the next time, good Luck In Off The Ghost.
Jack the Ripper.’
(All material in this blog is entirely fictional and does not represent the views or opinions of anyone, alive or dead, other than those of the author)